All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
