My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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