areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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