I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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