I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
