We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
