Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
