Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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