We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
