you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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