I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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