Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
