We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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