oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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