i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
