We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
