my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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