she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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