Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
