Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
