He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
