u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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