If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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