i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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