Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize