Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
