Having a random hookup so left but love u
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
