I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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