Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
