I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
