I wish my penis had an off switch
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize