im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
