Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize