Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
