My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
