im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I met the friendliest cop last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
