Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
