brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
