Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
