No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
