Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
