Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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