so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
