The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
