4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize