i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
