first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
