Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
