i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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