Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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