Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
