He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize