The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
