I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
