So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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