3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
