Already got asked if we're dating
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Say something about gay babies.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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