You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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