are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
