its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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