You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
