can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
