She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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