Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize