Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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