if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
