anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
