I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
