I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
