If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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