She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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