His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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