Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
