I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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