I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize