is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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