Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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