Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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