My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found puke in my bra..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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