Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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