I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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