we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
