Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
