Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
