just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They have beer where we have blood.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
