I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
