I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize