I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
