My liver just broke up with me...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
