oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
