This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
