God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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