I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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