shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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