Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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