Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
