If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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