I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
