Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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