dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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