My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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