Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
