He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i think my cat just said my name.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
