Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
