Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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