he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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