i need an iv and a liver transplant
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
