Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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