i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
