I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
