Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize