I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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