I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
